Do the Work Project 2015 is a collaborative community that works to assist and help one another with career and entrepreneurial goals. Within the community is a philosophy of points that we use to improve our businesses as well as personal growth. To become a member of the free Do the Work Project 2015 community, click here to join out Facebook Group.
This week’s entry is written by Lakesha Brown, my friend, colleague, and some-times business partner. She’s running things over at UncommonChick.com, so after you read this post, mosey on over there and get your read on. She’s TCC approved!
Now, let’s delve into Point Three!
Why is asking for help so freakin’ hard? Especially for us go-getting, I-don’t-need-any-help, I-have-to-do-it-all, independent super(wo)man types, it can be downright challenging and depending on where we come from, a complete no-no.
I asked my Uncommon Crew what they thought about asking for help in general and here’s what a few people had to say:
I’m working on this. Asking is often hard!!!” ~Chasing Joy
“For me asking can be as hard as saying no. I am often saying yes when I should have said no. I often have a hard time asking for things from people…” ~Tarrisha
“I have the worst time asking for help because I HATE needing help from other people.” ~Lady Unemployed
I’m not surprised, are you? As a matter of fact, I’m a recovering Non-Asker myself!
So what would have been your response? Are you ready to start asking for help so that you don’t overwhelm and completely drain yourself? Or are you afraid, shy or simply uncomfortable to let people know that you need assistance?
Whether it’s a personal task (i.e. picking up your child from school because a meeting ran over) or a business one (i.e. you need help with your website because you know just enough about WordPress to be dangerous), you can always use some help somewhere.
No one being in history became successful by their own right. (If you can name one person who has done so, I will give you permission to slap me, Ike Turner style! LOL). Even Oprah, Steve Jobs, and Michael Jordan had trustworthy and supportive people to help them achieve their goals.
Speaking of Oprah, one of my favorite personal growth chicks, Brene Brown, said this on an episode one time:
When you can’t accept and ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people help you are always doing so with judgment because you have attached judgment to asking for help.”
Whew! That really blew my mind when I first heard it!
I realized that subconsciously I had attached judgment, unworthiness, and insufficiency to asking for help. Therefore, I was unable to ask anything from others myself because I felt that I would then be judged incapable of sustaining myself as well as showing vulnerability to others – which is another no-no where I come from!
It wasn’t until I began to help people from a truly accepting and connecting way could I then be comfortable with asking for and accepting help from others.
The Art of Asking
Still with me? Okay. Let’s start asking!
“But how do I get comfortable asking for help?” Great question fellow recovering Non-Askers! Here are 5 strategies to start getting the help you need:
1. Know that your current mindset and belief systems influence your ability to ask for help. Re-read Brene’s statement above and see if that feels true for you. If so, work on helping others without judgment first. Then you can feel more comfortable asking for yourself. Also, the next time someone asks you to help with them something, regardless of how big or small it may be, check in with yourself and consider your feelings, your thoughts about that person, and your response when you said yes. Know that the other person may be just like you and uncomfortable asking you for help. Your response, physically and mentally, will tell you what you believe about the idea of asking others for help yourself. If you felt any judgment at all, there’s some inner work to be done (but we’ll leave that for another post).
2. Understand that you absolutely CANNOT do everything yourself. Therefore, delegation is in order! There are billions of people in this world. Don’t you think one of them is qualified to help you get something done? Think about it from that perspective and you’ll learn how to delegate when you need it AND more often.
3. Speaking of delegation, I understand this can be hard too. For instance, I’ve been burned in the past when I’ve let others take on a few of my tasks and got to a point where I felt I had to micromanage (and I hate micromanagers myself!). However, as long as there are people walking this earth, there will be someone who tries to take advantage and/or abuse their role. We can’t let that stop us! We have to find the RIGHT people to delegate to. That’s an art in and of itself but keep reading for a strategy to help with that.
4. Build up your tribe or support group and expand your circle of people you can trust and communicate with. These are the people you can empower and feel empowered by to ask for help from each other and get it without judgment. If you surround yourself with others who “get it” and know that assistance is essential to living a healthy, balanced life, then you can feel more comfortable doing the asking.
5. Know that asking for help and delegating allows others to shine because they get to gift you with their talents and/or services. In the end, it’s a win-win situation – you get to work on other important tasks while the helper gets to grow, do a good deed, and feel good doing so.
Get started now!
To help you get off on the right foot and ask for the help you so clearly need personally or professionally, I leave you with this powerful affirmation. Use this as one of your new mantras!
“I understand that I can’t do everything by myself and that reaching out to others helps me achieve my goals. I also open myself up to be of service to others as I see fit. In addition, I receive that which I need with open arms, an open mind, and much gratitude!”
Hiya, I’m Kesha, a self-proclaimed Mediocrity Escapologist and I believe we should Be a Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different! My personal mission is to help freedom seeking, gutsy peeps create fabulous bizzes, bodies, and lives. I also thrive on challenging what’s “normal” and encourage others to do the same. Let’s connect!