Every office has one. The team member or coworker that never wants to go to lunch with the others, who rarely engages in small talk or anything other semblance of communication if it doesn’t involve work, or never attends the after office happy hours or out of office events.
Are you the anti-social one at work?
I can say for years, I was this person. Not wanting to be the one that ended up getting drunk at the office holiday party, the one who would be talked about and ridiculed throughout the year, I maintained my solitude. I was cordial, not stand offish. But when it came to outside of the office, I wasn’t there to make friends. I was there to collect a paycheck.
Over time, I could see how this came across to people. It wasn’t that I was anti-social, but believed (and still believe) that there is a time for work and a time for play. I now know how to coordinate it better. Back then, it was either or.
So how does one keep their distance without looking like an office standalone?
I recently blogged HERE about keeping your social networking separate from those you work with. If you want to keep business from interrupting pleasure, do not mention your social networks or do not engage those you work with online. That is indeed a recipe for disaster.
If you are invited to lunch, don’t say no every time. Indulge your coworkers every once in a while so they feel they are getting to know you. You don’t have to be their best friend, of course, but the polite thing to do is, on occasion, accept an invitation.
Ask questions. Ask your coworkers how their families are or how their day is going. Small talk is better than nothing.
When it comes to after hours events, however, only attend if you are comfortable. After hours events are not on the clock, and you shouldn’t be judged for not attending. If you are, that is not good business.
Working with folk can be difficult, stressful, and plain boring, but it can also be fun. Be open to meeting new people and always communicate with your coworkers and be pleasant.
Like you, I was thought to be stand-offish and uppity when I did the corporate America thingy. I didn't do potlucks, parties, etc. I'm just one of those people that doesn't break bread with everyone. Now don't get me wrong I was not rude but I just kept the personal talk to a minimum because people have a way of making me go off so I keep them away. If I had to return to corporate America I think I would still be the same. Hard worker, quiet, no potlucks, Christmas parties, Easter egg hunts or anything else. Just do the work and keep it moving.
I have been that person, sort of. I worked in an office with several women and a few men. Most of the women had worked together for years & were always organizing some social event. I did not have much in common with these women, did not really enjoy spending any time with them and ended up trying to skip as many things as I could. I made a point to always go to the "big" events, company picnic, Christmas party…it depends on the place and the people I guess, but that was just a bad fit for me.
Some people have legitimate social anxiety in these situations and you never know if the person everyone thinks is "stuck up" is really terrified.