February is American Heart Month, and I’ve partn February is American Heart Month, and I’ve partnered with @MedIQCME and Duke Health to raise awareness about atrial fibrillation (AFib), also known as irregular heartbeat which affects 12 million people.My father was diagnosed with AFib and my family has a history of this condition, so I do my best to learn as much as I can about it.

I’ve learned that when the atrium’s squeezing becomes irregular, blood doesn’t flow as smoothly through the heart and clots can form. Those clots can travel to the brain, disrupting the oxygen supply and causing a stroke. People with AFib are at approximately 5 times greater risk for stroke than those with regular heartbeats. Stroke is a leading cause of death and also of serious, long-term disability. It is essential to get to a hospital quickly if you suspect a stroke in yourself or others.Learn the acronym FAST to recognize the signs of stroke: 

F = Face. Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A = Arms. Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward? 

S = Speech. Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is the speech slurred or strange?

T= Time. If you see any of these signs, call 9-1-1 right away.

Take this survey (link in bio) for the chance to win 1 of 5 $100 VISA gift cards—takes less than 10 minutes.

Thanks, @mediqcme, and Duke Heart. Supported by an educational grant from the Bristol Myers Squibb and Pfizer Alliance.
Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time w Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time with roses and a little Stevie Wonder. I could do this all day! 🌹 #traderjoes #flowers #roses #therapy #selfcare
Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is my absolute favorite meal and @louieswinedive in Clayton treated us so well! I will definitely be back. 

#brunch #stl #stlouis #food #stlfoodie #hosted
Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis
A generous heart is always open, always ready to r A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love, we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong.” — bell hooks
One more week before she goes back to school for h One more week before she goes back to school for her second semester. Reppin #stl and @seriessixcompany. 

#stlouis #collegekid #stlmade #mykid
Flower arranging has become the self-care I didn’t know I needed. It’s a tranquil and relaxing experience for me. Get into it. 💐 #traderjoes #flowers #therapy #selfcare
It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me toda It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me today as I spent the first day of the year taking care of my mind, body, and soul. It went something like this…. #newyear #selfcare #overforty #fortyish
We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A time was had and memories were made. Grateful that I got some extra days with these guys (thanks Southwest—now run my son back his reimbursement 😂).
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Career, On A Personal Note, Relationships · May 22, 2019

How I Learned to Show Up For Myself


I've always showed up for others, but showing up for myself was one of the best gifts I've learned to give myself. Here's why.

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to grasp has been learning how to manage my expectations.

I dream big. I think big. But most importantly, I do big. This pertains to not only myself but for those in my inner-circle. When you are my friend or loved one, I go hard for you and I spare no emotional, physical, or financial expense. I do for people how I like to be done for, if that makes sense. The only problem with that is that most people in my inner-circle do not or are unable to rise to the occasion for me when the shoe is on the other foot.

I once was told by a friend that they felt blessed because they “had a Danyelle” in their life. I then-asked my friend who was the Danyelle in my life, and for that, he couldn’t answer.

During my 43 years on this earth, I have shown up for so many people, and yet they have rarely shown up for me.

This used to bother me and it made me resentful and bitter to those who I went all out for and who rarely reciprocated. It would frustrate me and anger me that I continued to be there for people who could never seem to be there for me.

One afternoon last year, I broke down. I cried hard and yelled and lashed out after being let down again by someone who I thought would come through for me just like I continuously came through for them. After I wiped my tears away and took a long, hard look in the mirror, I decided to get real with myself.

I've always showed up for others, but showing up for myself was one of the best gifts I've learned to give myself. Here's why.

I can control my behavior. I can control what I do and do not do for others. I can learn to show up for myself when no one else would be able to. This is when I had my breakthrough.

Reciprocation is polite, but it’s not the rule of thumb. When you act in expectation that someone is going to act in a way that you do, you set yourself (and them) up for failure. When something is out of your control (i.e.: the behavior of others), why get upset? Why be miserable over something you cannot control?

I learned a valuable lesson and that has been to show up for myself. Being my own ally and representing for the peaks in my life were my responsibility—not any one else’s. I can’t fault others for not being able to show up for me—oftentimes when they were unable to was because they didn’t have the ability to.

Showing up for myself is one of the greatest gifts that I can give to myself. I am worth that.

How can you show up for yourself?

Manage

Manage your expectations and the results you want to achieve. Expect the minimum, because when more is done, you will appreciate that much more.

Value

Value yourself and what you bring to the table. No one is able to play down what it is I do because I own who I am and what I represent. Learning self-love was a gateway to valuing myself.

No excuses

Don’t give excuses for the results you achieved, good or bad. Always be honest with yourself and with what you will allow yourself to get away with.

No tit for tat

Do things for others because you want to do them—not because you hope they will be reciprocated.

Be honest

Honesty is the best policy with others, but also with yourself. This will save you from being frustrated because you failed to see the entire picture.

I've always showed up for others, but showing up for myself was one of the best gifts I've learned to give myself. Here's why.

Showing up for myself has given me a newfound sense of self-love and self-confidence that I didn’t have before. Be a blessing to others—but more importantly, be a blessing to yourself. Without guilt.

Photos by Chip Dizard


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In: Career, On A Personal Note, Relationships

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Comments

  1. Kirstin says

    May 22, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    This is a great post. It’s hard to come through for yourself and often it’s the hardest lessons we go through first before we start thinking of ourselves.
    Heres to better behaviour!

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      May 22, 2019 at 2:15 pm

      Thank you! Yes, better behavior is key to a successful personal and professional life. It’s my goal every day.

      Reply
  2. James says

    May 22, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Very true. It could even be taken a step further – do things for others expecting to NOT be reciprocated. That’s true humility.

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      May 22, 2019 at 2:14 pm

      YES! This is great advice. Thank you for commenting.

      Reply
  3. Mitch Mitchell says

    May 27, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    Great stuff Danyelle. I do things for a lot of people but I rarely give people a chance to do things for me. I don’t want to deal with the expectation part, so I almost never bring it up… and over all these years I’ve rarely had to. I’ll admit that when it comes to business I’m much less forgiving. If I’m willing to give someone my time I expect them to honor it; otherwise they never get another chance.

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      May 27, 2019 at 9:56 pm

      Mitch, here’s a little advice. Let people do stuff for you if they want. Don’t expect it, of course. But don’t push it away when it comes to you. 🙂

      Reply
      • Mitch Mitchell says

        May 30, 2019 at 10:56 am

        Trust me, it’s nothing I’ve ever had to worry about lol

        Reply

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February is American Heart Month, and I’ve partn February is American Heart Month, and I’ve partnered with @MedIQCME and Duke Health to raise awareness about atrial fibrillation (AFib), also known as irregular heartbeat which affects 12 million people.My father was diagnosed with AFib and my family has a history of this condition, so I do my best to learn as much as I can about it.

I’ve learned that when the atrium’s squeezing becomes irregular, blood doesn’t flow as smoothly through the heart and clots can form. Those clots can travel to the brain, disrupting the oxygen supply and causing a stroke. People with AFib are at approximately 5 times greater risk for stroke than those with regular heartbeats. Stroke is a leading cause of death and also of serious, long-term disability. It is essential to get to a hospital quickly if you suspect a stroke in yourself or others.Learn the acronym FAST to recognize the signs of stroke: 

F = Face. Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A = Arms. Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward? 

S = Speech. Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is the speech slurred or strange?

T= Time. If you see any of these signs, call 9-1-1 right away.

Take this survey (link in bio) for the chance to win 1 of 5 $100 VISA gift cards—takes less than 10 minutes.

Thanks, @mediqcme, and Duke Heart. Supported by an educational grant from the Bristol Myers Squibb and Pfizer Alliance.
Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time w Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time with roses and a little Stevie Wonder. I could do this all day! 🌹 #traderjoes #flowers #roses #therapy #selfcare
Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is my absolute favorite meal and @louieswinedive in Clayton treated us so well! I will definitely be back. 

#brunch #stl #stlouis #food #stlfoodie #hosted
Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis
A generous heart is always open, always ready to r A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love, we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong.” — bell hooks
One more week before she goes back to school for h One more week before she goes back to school for her second semester. Reppin #stl and @seriessixcompany. 

#stlouis #collegekid #stlmade #mykid
Flower arranging has become the self-care I didn’t know I needed. It’s a tranquil and relaxing experience for me. Get into it. 💐 #traderjoes #flowers #therapy #selfcare
It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me toda It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me today as I spent the first day of the year taking care of my mind, body, and soul. It went something like this…. #newyear #selfcare #overforty #fortyish
We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A time was had and memories were made. Grateful that I got some extra days with these guys (thanks Southwest—now run my son back his reimbursement 😂).
My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift car My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift cards as one of my Christmas surprises. Take a look at my haul which includes makeup for oily skin and a some faves! #sephora #haul #skin #oilyskin #beautyproducts #overforty #midlifewomen
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