Whether you are divorced or never have been married, a single mom has a lot on her plate. Being a mother, though, doesn’t mean you have to stop living or having some type of social life, and that social life should include companionship from someone who you like. Your kid(s) will always come first, but there is nothing wrong with stepping out on a date or two. Dating as a single mom can be a complex task, but when done properly, it can open up an exiting facet in your life.
Single moms get a lot of flak for being alone while raising children. Some men do not want to date women with children, and to them, I say they are entitled to their choice of mates. But for me, a man who can date a woman with a child(ren), is a man who is about the overall picture. Here are a few tips while dating as a single mom:
Have Fun & Don’t Be Too Serious-
Dating is supposed to be a fun experience for the two of you. Do not bring your motherhood woes onto the date and keep it light and festive. Do talk about your child(ren) but do not let talk of your child(ren) dominate the conversation. Your kid(s) should be with someone you trust during the date, so there is no worrying about them while you are out, ie over-texting or calling multiple times while you should be having fun with your date. This is time for you to unwind and relax without worrying about the kid(s). And yes, it’s okay!
Don’t Bring Baggage-
Do not compare your date to your child’s father. It is not fair to you or them. Keep an open mind and truly try to get to know your date. If you are not interested in getting to know him or her better, it’s best just to not date until you are free and clear of your baggage with your ex.
Don’t Get Too Serious Too Fast-
Dating is a time for you to explore your options and meet new people. Go on several dates with different people first before “settling” down with someone for a serious relationship. If you rush in too soon, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Take it nice and slow and remember to enjoy the ride.
Meet The Kids-
I would never introduce a man to my son and daughter unless I was truly serious about him. This means settling down into a serious relationship. For friends with benefits and other disclosures that are fun and games, do not bring your children into the relationship. Period.
Communicate With The Kid(s)-
There is nothing wrong with letting your kids know that you have a life and that you date. I promote communicating with your kid(s) about your social life to some degree. Do not let your children or their opinions come in between your social life, but do listen to them and let them voice their concerns. Don’t ever feel guilty about going on a date, and do not let anyone else make you feel guilty either.
Nothing in life is perfect and dating is even more complex than it used to be. If you are expecting the perfect date at the perfect place with the perfect man, please throw those thoughts out of the window. Live for the moment and try to enjoy it, flaws and all. No human being can measure against perfection.
Dating while being a single mom is a tough thing to do, but it’s not rocket science and it’s not impossible. Remember the tips above and always keep an open mind. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean you can’t have a life. Date fun and date wisely!