Every office has one. The team member or coworker that never wants to go to lunch with the others, who rarely engages in small talk or anything other semblance of communication if it doesn’t involve work, or never attends the after office happy hours or out of office events.
Are you the anti-social one at work?
I can say for years, I was this person. Not wanting to be the one that ended up getting drunk at the office holiday party, the one who would be talked about and ridiculed throughout the year, I maintained my solitude. I was cordial, not stand offish. But when it came to outside of the office, I wasn’t there to make friends. I was there to collect a paycheck.
Over time, I could see how this came across to people. It wasn’t that I was anti-social, but believed (and still believe) that there is a time for work and a time for play. I now know how to coordinate it better. Back then, it was either or.
So how does one keep their distance without looking like an office standalone?
I recently blogged HERE about keeping your social networking separate from those you work with. If you want to keep business from interrupting pleasure, do not mention your social networks or do not engage those you work with online. That is indeed a recipe for disaster.
If you are invited to lunch, don’t say no every time. Indulge your coworkers every once in a while so they feel they are getting to know you. You don’t have to be their best friend, of course, but the polite thing to do is, on occasion, accept an invitation.
Ask questions. Ask your coworkers how their families are or how their day is going. Small talk is better than nothing.
When it comes to after hours events, however, only attend if you are comfortable. After hours events are not on the clock, and you shouldn’t be judged for not attending. If you are, that is not good business.
Working with folk can be difficult, stressful, and plain boring, but it can also be fun. Be open to meeting new people and always communicate with your coworkers and be pleasant.
Like you, I was thought to be stand-offish and uppity when I did the corporate America thingy. I didn't do potlucks, parties, etc. I'm just one of those people that doesn't break bread with everyone. Now don't get me wrong I was not rude but I just kept the personal talk to a minimum because people have a way of making me go off so I keep them away. If I had to return to corporate America I think I would still be the same. Hard worker, quiet, no potlucks, Christmas parties, Easter egg hunts or anything else. Just do the work and keep it moving.
I have been that person, sort of. I worked in an office with several women and a few men. Most of the women had worked together for years & were always organizing some social event. I did not have much in common with these women, did not really enjoy spending any time with them and ended up trying to skip as many things as I could. I made a point to always go to the "big" events, company picnic, Christmas party…it depends on the place and the people I guess, but that was just a bad fit for me.
Some people have legitimate social anxiety in these situations and you never know if the person everyone thinks is "stuck up" is really terrified.
I don’t see what the problem is to be labeled anti-social. I only speak to the few in my department. I do not socialize with other departments. I know who I can talk to and who is a complete jerk and avoid just about everyone. I go to work to work, I do not nor have I ever considered co-workers friends. I’m just not that emotionally vested in it to care about others. I’m not rude, I just don’t talk to the ones I am not particularly interested in, which is most. Even when we have luncheons I find an excuse not to attend, or company awards (that go to the popular butt kissers) I don’t care anything about. I have my family, friends away from the office and I prefer to keep it that way. I figure the less I talk, the less anyone can use against me or backstab me. I figure they are already gossiping about me because I come across as rather stand-offish but if it keeps them occupied with the taste of my name in their mouth, the more I win in the end. I am very happy and content away from the office but I do my job and do it well. These people won’t matter to me when I leave. I certainly don’t add them to any social networking sites. That’s how I am. Careful, confident, quiet, aloof. I don’t see anything wrong with this.
I am not really antisocial. It is just that I do not want to be bothered with co-workers/employers who are arrogant, boastful, ignorant, annoying, etc. I have gone through an experience like this…
However, when it comes to employees/employers I do have something in common, can easily talk without judgment or rejection, and trust, I can enjoy my job more.
I think the solution for a person who is antisocial, shy, quiet, and/or socially awkward is finding a job he or she can work and relate to co-workers/employers who are the same or understanding why he or she is not sociable.
If you are at a job where you feel judged and/or forced to talk to other people you do not like, cannot stand, or have nothing in common, I highly recommend that you leave and find a better job.
Based on my experience, that is what I did. I did not have a choice.
I don’t care about your kids, or what you’re doing with your grandchildren. I don’t care about your church or your boring plans. I’m just not interested. I’d rather be by myself in my cubicle than out at PF Changs eating nasty ass food, with awkward conversations.
I don’t give a fuck about the social expectations of others
Hell Yeah for the introverts!
I come to work to do a job, do it well and that’s it and it has not stunted my career growth. Small talk is expected which I am polite about, but I keep it simple. I’m not a busy/social person outside of work so when someone asks me about my weekend my usual answer is “fine” then others start talking about themselves and I am truly bored and don’t care. It’s hard to know who you can trust in the workplace so it’s better just to not say anything.
I’m shy at first and sometimes for awhile but when and if you get to know me I’m very easy going and social. That being said if I was a boss I would never want to force someone to socialize because intensely shy people often suffer from social anxiety and I wouldn’t want them to feel obligated. I’m shy at my current job. I talk a bit here and there. But I get confused when people are like let’s socialize but also now it’s time to work. I get confused with expectations. Maybe if it were my dream job it would be different. People are people, let them be and they might bloom. Lorelia Gilmore was seemingly very social but she spent most of her time out of work on her couch with take out. It’s confusing. But when I’m more social I like to party and have fun so