“Don’t believe the hype…” –Public Enemy
If you are a black woman and watched ABC’s Nightline Single Black Women special panel on Wednesday night, you are probably pissed. I know that I was. And it wasn’t because of the nature of the conversation but the blatant media spin and bias that would lead the public to think that we as single black women are poor lost souls who cannot find a man. Believe you me, that is furthest from the truth. What could’ve been an intelligent conversation about problems between both black men and women turned into a fluffy headpiece about men unbraiding our hair and taking down our weaves. I was totally appalled and saddened that it has come down to this. Again, the media has taken a topic and drilled it to death, until it reached its very last compound of silliness. What is the media’s fascination with single black women?
Media will have you thinking that we are bitter bitches that need constant attention, and that we are single because we cannot keep a man, because we are self indulgent and involved, because we are all about ourselves, because we can do it on our own, because we are independent women who don’t need any help, because we are survivors, because we run our black men away and they go to white women. Um…no.
First of all, I will not be lumped into one category. I am Danyelle, first and foremost. I am an unique individual who doesn’t subscribe to the mistruths society may bare. I have been proposed to. I have been married. I have been a wife and a mother. I am successful, but I have no qualms in admitting I need the comfort and love of a man. I am independent but I do like a man around. I do like to have nice things, but that does not mean I am not self centered. I do aspire to be the best I can be, and yes that means wanting a home, and a car, and a family, and to live a comfortable life. Does that make the me the bad guy?
I have white girlfriends who find it just as hard to find a good man as we do. If we are going to have this conversation, I don’t think it should be limited to black women only. White women have the SAME problem, and other cultures do as well. Why does the media only want to spotlight us, like we are the step-children from “cannot do relationship” hell?
Someone answer that one for me, please.
I don’t have a problem dating outside of my race. I do not judge black men who do the same. I do have a problem when a brother goes out of his way to NOT date a black woman though, yes, I will admit to that, but interracial relationships do not bother me. I know who I am and what I am about. His loss is another man’s gain. NEXT!
Being a single black woman is NOT bad. Most single black women are not single because they CAN’T find a man. They are single by choice. Because they don’t want to take lightly their decision of who they will spend the rest of their life with. Are there shallow, siddity, goldigging black women? Hell yeah! But there are plenty of shallow, siddity, golddigging white women as well. We didn’t invent this group of women.
I am sick and tired of seeing these stereotypes being perpetuated in the media. But I know it continues because WE as black women do not step up and say enough is enough. WE should be telling OUR story, not the other way around. Once we own our stories and our legacies, there will be a much more well rounded picture of who we really are.
And you black men who high five and believe these stereotypes are just as wrong. You don’t want us labeling each and every one of you as lazy convicts who whine that you can’t make it. So why judge us that way as well? Step up and put in work and get to know me based on ME. Not your ex who left you because you weren’t ‘successful’ enough!
I could go on and on about this subject, but it would take a book for me to fit all of the content. Simply put, we all have work to do when it comes to making a relationship work. Patience, love, understanding, are just some of the qualities needed. Stop looking at panelists who have been married five times or who have never been married to try to tell you how to find a husband or wife. Look to those in strong relationships with a positive track record for guidance in that department.
Do not let the media or anyone else tell you WHO you are. And with that. I am done *throws down the mic*