We’ve all had those moments when we are talking to someone that we care about and love. We really let them have it with brutal honesty and harsh words with no holding back, thinking that being straight no chaser without any padding is the way to go. But what happens when you cross the line of no return and you can’t take the words back? How does one repair the relationship and the damage?
I have learned from personal experience that sometimes, its better to leave things unsaid. That is because you can ruin a very close friendship or relationship by being too brutally honest. I mean, we all say that we want the truth and nothing but. But when the truth hits you in the face in the form of a tongue lashing, most people do not react pleasantly. It can be a tough spot to move from for everyone concerned.
Once words are out there in the universe, you cannot take them back. Memories linger and words manifest themselves in ways we may not be able to deal with. I have had this happen in my own life where I was asked to give my honest assessment about something and I did so, only for the person to completely cut me out of their life. It was a harsh reality that I dare not want to repeat again, so I now think before I speak, and use my words with caution.
Words hurt, even when there is honesty and truth involved. If you are asked to be honest about an opinion or a situation, I ask you to ask yourself if it is really worth it. If it is, then by all means, let the person have it without regret. But if you are even slightly unsure, moving forward with these words can cause pain for BOTH parties involved.
I am writing this post because very recently, I said a few things to someone that I hold very close to me. I let them know how I felt about a situation, but I learned from the past not to go too far, no matter how upset or mad I am. It is not worth losing someone. And apologies only go so far—if the person doesn’t accept your apology, then what?
Once you say it, you cannot take it back. Use your words to heal, not to inflict pain. We all can spew venom with our mouths, but it takes a better person to not allow that to overtake a relationship. Communicate effectively and with love.
What you put out is what you may get back. Be prepared to live with the consequences.
What are your experiences with honesty and opinion when it comes to your loved ones? I’d like to hear your feedback.
I have been where you are more times than I can count.
Sometimes when we "spew venom" on a person, it's because a situation has built up that we never addressed until we reached a breaking point. It's so important to talk out problems before they become too major– often people think that by ignoring a problem or a negative situation that it will just go away, but it almost never does.
My blog "Did You Hear What You Said" also hits on some issues regarding watching our mouths. It's something I continually have to work on. http://dareesinsights.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/he…
I've definitely been here before…sometimes I have been the one to say things that maybe shouldn't have been said, and I have definitely been in the situation where people have said things to me that stuck with me for a very long time. I agree with your point about being completely sure that unabashed honesty is the best method to use in any conversation, because once it's said, it's out there, never to be retracted. A lot of times I leave my true opinion to myself, or I vent to people that aren't really involved in the situation. That way, I can get out what I need to get out without hurting anyone involved in the situation…I feel that since I only truly vent to those people that I truly trust, no one really loses anything here.
In many situations, people don't want to hear what they already know is true. A clear clue of this can be found in the way the person seeking advice phrases the question. If the question is closed ended, in most cases, they want to hear what they want to hear. I too have learned the hard way. People get offended easily when your response does not mirror their thoughts. I hate to be a horrible friend or relative and lie to them, so I will ask questions to help them self discover (and admit) what they already know. That way, it comes out of their own mouths and the only person they can be mad at is themselves.
I have mixed feelings about this…. There's a fine line.
I am a tell it like it is, all the time kinda girl…
I wouldn't want my friends to sugarcoat anything towards me
HOWEVER, I have learned that if I've said something hurtful to someone or if I have gotten "too involved" it is because whatever they are going through, I need to work myself or even ADMIT to myself. It's not about them, it's about ME.
I have also learned that if someone is coming @ me from left field, well, that is probably about THEM.
What I do wish that I could change is this: When someone who I have no attachment with irritates me and I open my mouth & everything I'm thinking flies out… I have just now let that person know that they got to me… Then I think, "why'd I even allow them to get to me?"…
Thanks for making me think. 😉