Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time w Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time with roses and a little Stevie Wonder. I could do this all day! 🌹 #traderjoes #flowers #roses #therapy #selfcare
Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is my absolute favorite meal and @louieswinedive in Clayton treated us so well! I will definitely be back. 

#brunch #stl #stlouis #food #stlfoodie #hosted
Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis
A generous heart is always open, always ready to r A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love, we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong.” — bell hooks
One more week before she goes back to school for h One more week before she goes back to school for her second semester. Reppin #stl and @seriessixcompany. 

#stlouis #collegekid #stlmade #mykid
Flower arranging has become the self-care I didn’t know I needed. It’s a tranquil and relaxing experience for me. Get into it. 💐 #traderjoes #flowers #therapy #selfcare
It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me toda It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me today as I spent the first day of the year taking care of my mind, body, and soul. It went something like this…. #newyear #selfcare #overforty #fortyish
We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A time was had and memories were made. Grateful that I got some extra days with these guys (thanks Southwest—now run my son back his reimbursement 😂).
My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift car My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift cards as one of my Christmas surprises. Take a look at my haul which includes makeup for oily skin and a some faves! #sephora #haul #skin #oilyskin #beautyproducts #overforty #midlifewomen
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Controversy, Kids & Parenting, Media Frenzy, Parenting, Watercooler · May 15, 2012

Just Say No to the Mommy Wars


Mommy Wars: (term) a divisive tactic that is used by the media and pundits to push a particular agenda where moms are concerned. By putting moms against each other, it not only creates polarization, but sells magazines, antagonizes political sides, promotes page views, and takes away from the real matters at hand.

During the last few months, I have witnessed a lot of judgment, name-calling, and soap box talking as it relates to moms. I first saw it in the political arena where “stay at home moms” were pitted against “working moms”. You may remember this happening when Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, was countered by Democratic strategist, Hillary Rosen. Ann basically said that she loves “stay at home moms”, while Hillary fought back on behalf of the moms who work. I have seen it for years in the breastfeeding debate (those who do and those who don’t breastfeed). And most recently, I’ve seen it with the Time magazine “Attachment Parenting” article in which the cover shows a mom whose three year old son is sucking on her breast.

Basically, it’s who is the better mom?

The stay at home mom or the working mom?

The breastfeeding mom or the mom that chooses formula?

The married mom or the single mom?

Homeschooler moms or moms who send their child to traditional schools?

{See a pattern here?}

This type of argument is ridiculous, of course. In real life, not everything is black and white. I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom and there are advantages and disadvantages to both. Children being brought up by stay at home moms don’t always turn out to be “perfect children”. And when we place these labels on moms, then there is sure to be people who have issues with it—me included.

Being a mom isn’t easy, no matter what circumstance you are in. I know moms that have never worked outside of the home who have kids that have had issues with the law, etc. Despite the fact that they have been there for their kids (and some moms have given up their careers and jobs to be a stay at home mom), their children may have turned out not the way they expected. And I know moms who worked 12 hours days and have children who are now going to school to be doctors. To make everything either or based on the “type” of mom someone is quite silly to me.

And while us moms should be encouraging one another and having each others backs, outside forces via magazine articles, blog posts, and other propaganda are asking us if we are “mom enough.”

Where are the articles asking are men dads enough?

Where is the public outcry over the term working moms? Do we refer to dads as working dads?

These mommy wars are straight up ridiculous. I am not one who uses Attachment Parenting, but if another mom wants to, then I am all for it. If they like it, I love it. I have my own children to raise—I can’t be worried about the methods another parent uses to raise their kids.

And I won’t let someone else who doesn’t know me or my situation judge how good of a mom I am.

For years, when my son was younger, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. But reality said otherwise. I was a single mom and had to work. My son was in daycare when he was just a few months old because I had to work full-time to take care of the bills. I didn’t have a choice. Did that make me any less than a mom who could stay at home? I certainly think not.

There are women who choose to work outside of the home, who do it because they want to. This choice doesn’t make them bad moms. But for some reason, we are always looking to play the blame game by identifying the “hero” and the “bad guy”.

Moms, don’t fall for the okie doke. Do what you need to do as a parent. Do what you feel is right. Yes, statistics may say that those moms who do X,Y,Z, may turn out to be healthier, stronger, etc. But if you aren’t “built” to do it, don’t feel pressure to. You deserve much more than to be judged about how you choose to raise your children. And I’d like to think as moms, we all do the best we can.

As long as you are not breaking the law (and of course within reason), I say, parent the way you want to parent.

Women, we tend to be harder on each other than men are on us. Why is that? We tend to look down on each other, show cattiness and judgment. But when we learn to support each other, despite our differences, then we may be able to move further ahead.

So I say, just say no to the Mommy Wars.

Do you, Boo!

What is your take on the Mommy Wars? Are you engaged in the discussion? Are you frustrated at the way moms are being pitted against one another in the media?


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In: Controversy, Kids & Parenting, Media Frenzy, Parenting, Watercooler · Tagged: Attachment Parenting, breastfeeding, homeschooling, kids, media, Mommy Wars, parenting, Parenting Issues, Stay at home moms, Time magazine, working moms

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Comments

  1. Ella says

    May 15, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your webpage? My website is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors would certainly benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Thank you!

    Reply
  2. Aisha G of HartlynKids says

    May 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Ugh – I hate mommy wars and we play right into them by taking the comparisons and running with it!!! It’s just like the natural hair, relaxed hair wars… divide and conquer works every time.

    Reply
  3. Shane says

    May 16, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Mommy wars is just really really sad to hear. And yes, I definitely say no for it as well. We all have different ways of raising our child, and the best person(s) that can honestly say if whether we are a great mom is our children. Once we get to hear them say that, show their appreciation, and they are being thankful for our sacrifices and our efforts just to show our unconditional love and support to them, maybe that’s the time that we can definitely say that we are a better mom, right? Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

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Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time w Another flower arranging therapy Reel, this time with roses and a little Stevie Wonder. I could do this all day! 🌹 #traderjoes #flowers #roses #therapy #selfcare
Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is Mimosas, beignets, and Benedicts, oh my! Brunch is my absolute favorite meal and @louieswinedive in Clayton treated us so well! I will definitely be back. 

#brunch #stl #stlouis #food #stlfoodie #hosted
Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis Brunch vibes. #latergram #brunch #stl #stlouis
A generous heart is always open, always ready to r A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love, we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong.” — bell hooks
One more week before she goes back to school for h One more week before she goes back to school for her second semester. Reppin #stl and @seriessixcompany. 

#stlouis #collegekid #stlmade #mykid
Flower arranging has become the self-care I didn’t know I needed. It’s a tranquil and relaxing experience for me. Get into it. 💐 #traderjoes #flowers #therapy #selfcare
It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me toda It was about a mellow mood & self-care for me today as I spent the first day of the year taking care of my mind, body, and soul. It went something like this…. #newyear #selfcare #overforty #fortyish
We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A We made it a family night at @stlouiswheelpark. A time was had and memories were made. Grateful that I got some extra days with these guys (thanks Southwest—now run my son back his reimbursement 😂).
My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift car My family gifted me $250 worth of Sephora gift cards as one of my Christmas surprises. Take a look at my haul which includes makeup for oily skin and a some faves! #sephora #haul #skin #oilyskin #beautyproducts #overforty #midlifewomen
It’s #giveaway time! Enter to win 2 silk pillowc It’s #giveaway time! Enter to win 2 silk pillowcases from @celestialsilk made of 100% mulberry silk. Sleep better in the new year and take care of you! Entry detail link in bio. #selfcare #sleeping #newyear #review
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