Laylah and I had a girlies night out at the grand Laylah and I had a girlies night out at the grand opening of @bbtheatres in Creve Coeur. We definitely will be back soon! ✌🏾#recap #stl #stlouis #gno
When it’s 80 degrees out, and the sun is so brig When it’s 80 degrees out, and the sun is so bright so you have to squint. 😂😂😂 #stl #stlwx #spring
29 years ago today, my SONshine was born! @codismi 29 years ago today, my SONshine was born! @codismith, you are the BEST son a mom could have, and I’m so blessed to be your momma! Love you to the moon and back and then some. Enjoy your day, my Aries offspring! ♈️
I could wax poetic and get all mushy and whatnot b I could wax poetic and get all mushy and whatnot but—I won’t this time! Happy 67th Birthday, Mama! I love you! ❤️
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We did our best to recreate our onesie moment from We did our best to recreate our onesie moment from 2013. Strike a pose, the remix.
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Family Ties, Featured, Kids & Parenting, Parenting · April 10, 2015

Forty-isms: How It Feels to be a Parent of a 21 Year Old


How It Feels to be a Parent of a 21 Year Old

This week, my son officially turns 21. No longer looked at as a minor, my boy is now a grown (fill in the blank) man. Able to buy liquor and be accountable for all of his actions, he isn’t the little kid who used to entertain us during family parties and create talent shows for the neighborhood kids to participate in. Those of you who know me understand it was a long road to get here. As a once-teen mom who struggled to raise her child, I look at his turning 21 as a major milestone for the both of us. Despite all the things we went through to get here, we both came out okay. He’s now a full-fledged adult living his life in Los Angeles, and I am now the parent of an adult. Growing pains, yes, but we are survivors.

I am still processing the fact that I am a now a mother of a 21 year old. I am more of an advisor now than a dictator. I am no longer an ATM, but a savings account where he occasionally withdraws money from when needed. So much has changed, but has stayed the same. We are close, but in a different way. He knows I am still there for him, but he wants to make his own way, mistakes included. It’s so weird, yet this is how it will be from now on. The parenting I’ve done all of these years, if done well, will continue to help him as an adult and as he makes his way through life. Now, it is all on him. Decisions, mistakes, ups and downs—he will have to own it.

Add to him turning 21 is also me turning forty. While he is getting used to his new age, I am being reborn in a sense. Approaching middle age and reinventing myself along the way, he and I are both at a critical point in our lives. What I do now will determine the quality of my life from here on out. And what he decides to do will help shape his adulthood and perhaps the rest of his.

Two different people, two different lives, and two different crossroads.

Turning 21

I was asked earlier how it feels to be a parent of a 21 year old. It is still quite new, but I feel peacefully euphoric. I also feel a sense of accomplishment that he is on his own, living in Cali, working hard, and living his dream. I am happy for him and where he is going and how he is handling his business. I pray daily that he continues to thrive in such a negative world. He’s a pretty good guy who hasn’t given me a lot of trouble, and I am so thankful for that. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I don’t think we’ve been as close as we’ve been right now.

We are bringing in his birthday by celebrating in The Big Apple. I flew him in from Los Angeles and I also came into town so we could spend some bonding time together in the city that never sleeps. Of course, he has friends that he went to school with that are also near the city, so he won’t be spending his entire birthday weekend with me. But being near him, even for our special little moments mean the world to me.

On April 10, 1994, my life changed forever. And today, his birth is now a fulfillment of a dream realized. I love you, son. And I always will.


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In: Family Ties, Featured, Kids & Parenting, Parenting · Tagged: adulthood, happy birthday, parenthood, parenting, parenting an adult, turning forty

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Comments

  1. Claudya says

    April 10, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Congratulations to the both of you!

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      April 10, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      Thank you, Claudya 🙂

      Reply
  2. Blanca Stella Mejia (@micaminar) says

    April 12, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Congratulations! It is a big milestone. My only son turned 21 last year and I am so excited for everything he is doing and at the same a very proud mama. So I totally know the feeling.. Turning 16 and driving on his own was more of a bittersweet time because he needed me less. 21 was a different milestone, bug one for sure too.

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      April 13, 2015 at 7:47 pm

      I totally agree with the driving thing. That is the most nerve-wracking time. I think when they turn 21, it’s a sigh of relief. And then it puts the focus on you because we feel there’s so much more work to be done personally.

      Reply
  3. Bobbie says

    April 13, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    What a milestone for you and your son, but I know it’s so exciting. But Danyelle, you don’t look a day over 30, girlie! Oh and can’t wait for you to join the 40/40 club. 🙂

    Reply
    • The Cubicle Chick says

      April 13, 2015 at 7:48 pm

      Oh, thank you Bobbie! All weekend while in New York, people kept saying we looked like brother and sister not mother and son. I surely still feel about 25 or so. LOL. Good genes I guess. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Cheryl says

    January 6, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Congratulations to you both! I, too, am in a similar situation of ‘celebration’. My son turned 21 in June of last year and has relocated to Florida on his own (no family) to make a life for himself. It was so scary for me and I still feel some anxiety; but, after a few roadblocks, he is doing quite well for himself! Cheers!!!!! My daily prayer is that God keeps him safe and on the right path!

    Reply

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Laylah and I had a girlies night out at the grand Laylah and I had a girlies night out at the grand opening of @bbtheatres in Creve Coeur. We definitely will be back soon! ✌🏾#recap #stl #stlouis #gno
When it’s 80 degrees out, and the sun is so brig When it’s 80 degrees out, and the sun is so bright so you have to squint. 😂😂😂 #stl #stlwx #spring
29 years ago today, my SONshine was born! @codismi 29 years ago today, my SONshine was born! @codismith, you are the BEST son a mom could have, and I’m so blessed to be your momma! Love you to the moon and back and then some. Enjoy your day, my Aries offspring! ♈️
I could wax poetic and get all mushy and whatnot b I could wax poetic and get all mushy and whatnot but—I won’t this time! Happy 67th Birthday, Mama! I love you! ❤️
When I was Sweet 16. #tbt #throwbackthursday When I was Sweet 16. #tbt #throwbackthursday
To all the lovers. A little flower arrangement fro To all the lovers. A little flower arrangement from me to you for Love Day. ❤️❤️❤️ #valentines #valentinesday #love
Circa 1981. My snaggletooth era. 😂#TBT Circa 1981. My snaggletooth era. 😂#TBT
We did our best to recreate our onesie moment from We did our best to recreate our onesie moment from 2013. Strike a pose, the remix.
Finally! After a year (or more) we’ve finally be Finally! After a year (or more) we’ve finally been able to get a staycation on the calendar. Having fun with these ladies!
Circa 1990 when I was a sophomore in high school i Circa 1990 when I was a sophomore in high school in Jacksonville, and I had 3 different hairstyles going on at the same time.  #FBF #backintheday
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