“For some people, saying no is easy. But for most of us, saying no can be hard. That is because most of us are in the people pleasing business. We want to desperately please others and not disappoint or let people down.”
Most of us are punks (me included—full disclosure here) and are afraid to say no. Afraid because we don’t want to let someone else down. Or we want to continue to be applauded for saving others. Or we are passive aggressive and don’t say no because we don’t have the gumption. But most of all, I think most of us are afraid to say no because we don’t know how to.
Then what happens?
We get upset because now we’ve said yes and we are now locked into something we really didn’t want to do in the first place. With a full calendar and schedule and to-do list, we’ve added even more onto our plates–for what? We can’t say yes to everything, but yet we do because we are overachievers who believe that saying yes makes us good people. Then we complain, bitch, moan, and tell others how miserable we are because we are “Captain Save’Em’s…”
A huge part of Work Life Management is saying no. And I say, learn to say no or shut up.
Don’t complain bitterly about helping someone or doing something you didn’t want to do because we were too afraid or too lazy to put your Big Girl or Boy pants on and say no.
Saying no is therapeutic. It is healthy. It is a part of self-care. And, it is a huge part of loving yourself. I am not saying to say no to everything—but when you say yes and put too much on your plate, then you are headed for burnout, stress, and other negative factors. Saying no is saying yes to yourself.
We all know the infamous saying now, right? If it’s not a HELL YEAH, then it’s a hell no. It is as simple as that.
If you are being asked to do something that you loathe, that you’re being taken for granted for, that you don’t want to do, don’t do it.
In your work life and career, this may be harder to do because there are things within your job description that you may no want to do, but have to. So you may not be able to say no, but you can delegate. And if there are a lot of things that you prefer not doing within your Work Life, then it may be time for you to select another career.
You do have a choice.
Saying no doesn’t make you the bad guy. It doesn’t make you a bad spouse, a horrible friend, or a mean parent. It makes you human. And it shows that you can use discernment to your advantage. It is actually a good thing.
So, to all of my fellow people pleasers, overachievers, and perfectionists. It is okay to say no. It is healthy to say no. So do it.
And if you aren’t going to do it, please stop with the endless Facebook status updates of how you’re so busy and you wish you had more time to yourself bull. Because most of that is dictated by your lack of saying no. I’m not going to feel sorry for you, nor will I give you daps and kudos for being so BUSY. Busy doesn’t mean productive. And it doesn’t mean you are successful. It means that your time management probably needs to be checked. That, and your YES-ness.
I am a reformed YES’er. And it feels good to be able to do things because I WANT to, not because I am trying to fulfill someone’s definition of a good person. And because of this, I have more time to really do some good.
Learn to say no, or shut up. The choice is yours.