The Watercooler- When Motormouths Attack

watercooler My groundskeeper was on vacay last week and so my sister property sent over two groundskeepers that are on their payroll to help with my grounds. One of the groundskeepers, Hector* was a great worker and got right down to business at hand. But the other one, let’s call him Marcus* got on my last nerve.

He came into the office on a “break” looking for bottled water. Of course I obliged because it was hot as Hades outside and I didn’t want them to pass out or become dehydrated in the hot weather. Hector proceeded to leave and take his bottled water with him while Marcus took the opportunity to sit down in my office and cool down. I had no problem with that. But it quickly became evident that I would later regret offering my office as a refuge.

Marcus began telling me his life story. What stemmed from a question he asked me, “Do you like working here” turned into a Hallmark Channel version of his life. Really! He told me he had been with the company for two years and that he was thirty-two years old, engaged, with a few kids. He told me about how his son was accused at a local high school of damaging the Principle’s Hummer (yes this is what he SAID!) and missed almost a full year of high school. He even asked me if I wanted to buy a home that he had for sale.

I thought I had been chosen for a Punk’d episode, this was so awkward.

Even while I had phone calls to answer and turned my head towards the computer and played busy work, he continued to talk. I finally had to act as if I needed to run an errand and leave the office before he finally got the hint and stopped talking. I called my sister property and told them to NEVER send him again. He was too much!

As a manager, I could’ve chosen to be very blunt but I didn’t think that it was necessary. He was on break and wasn’t breaking any rules, but his incessant talking was a little too much for me to bare.

I compiled a short yet thorough list that you can use to gage if you are talking too much in the office. Here we go:

The person in the cubicle next to you’s deafness constantly changes from the left ear to the right ear.
People run or walk really fast when they see you.
You are never chosen to talk during company meetings, award banquets, or functions.
The Mexican cafeteria lady begins talking Russian when she sees you come through the line.
You’ve never been chosen for a group project.
During your annual review, you are given it on Word through email. You are then told to print it out and sign it and but it in your boss’s inbox.
You never seem to be able to reach anyone in the office and constantly have to leave voicemail messages even though you know that the said individual is sitting at their desk.
The hardcore smoke gang scatter when you come outside for some “fresh air”. They would rather go through nicotine withdrawal than to deal with you.
When you are on vacation, people actually like to be at work.
The Fed ex man acts like he is listening to his iPod when he sees that you are the one signing for packages that day.