This is that time of year where I begin to plan for the new year by taking stock of what I did this year. I am a perfectionist with a twinge of ADHD, so I am always calibrating and recalibrating my mindset with the help of aids like vision boards, dream boards, journaling, and other tools. It helps keep me focused and on track, even though I suck at staying focused and being on track.
Which leads me to this…
Taking inventory from this year’s life lessons and best laid plans, I would have to say I was successful in many areas. Professionally and financially, I have met all of my goals and challenges and for the most part, have excelled. Personally, however, I can’t say that I triumphed. If anything, I think I fell back into some old familiar patterns which usually don’t have good endings.
Looking back on 2012: I Did Some Things Right, But Got It Mostly Wrong.
Here’s why:
My passion gets me in trouble sometimes. And I don’t mean physically. I mean, with my heart. I believe in people. I champion them. I try to help them the best way I can. Sometimes I channel all of my energy into them because I want to see them do better. But in the end, it usually comes back to bite me in the foot. Because no matter how often or how much you root for others, if they aren’t rooting for themselves, your relationship and/or friendship will come to a crossroads.
I began the year saying that I wasn’t going to put out any more than I got back. I wrote in bold letters in my journal:
RECIPROCITY
2012 wasn’t going to be about me doing for everyone else, only to not even get acknowledged or thanked like in the past. And yet again, here is it, with less than 30 days left in the year and I can name of at least 4 instances in which I failed. I gave more than I got. I invested and it ended up crashing like the stock market did in 1929.
Another thing I said I wouldn’t do was put myself second (unless it was for my children, family, or close loved ones). But I ended up putting others first, who really shouldn’t have had the honor. I tried to water plants that were dead, thinking I could bring them back to life.
Of course I was wrong.
I also said I was going to think harder, do more planning, and not be so spontaneous. Sometimes, I just up and jump to doing something out of spite and without much thought, which usually gets my into trouble. I started off the year well, but in the end, wasn’t able to stand up to my end of the bargain.
These are all lessons that I hope that I learn from again, as to not bring it into the new year. Hell, I want to stop it right now, forget about waiting until the new year.
One day, I hope to sit at this here laptop and write about how I finally learned the lessons I’ve been trying to teach myself for years. I want to be victorious and have an awesome testimony to share. I really want to be that person.
Hoping I get it right next year. I guess we will see.
Love this! I too struggle with this!
Of course, again, we are too much alike!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Nothing wrong with helping others even if you get nothing back. Sounds like your the kind of person who just cares for your fellow man. I hope you don’t change.
Emily, thank you for this. It’s not that I want to change. I just want to learn that helping someone can also hinder them. I have to know when to fold ’em. I can’t save everyone. I need to try to save myself.
If you are not all in my kool-aid. Thanks for this transparency, Danyelle. And you do matter. We all do. That’s what I put on my personal FB status today. I was feeling like why even give, but in the end, giving is such a part of my makeup that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t. Keep going. Don’t change. And onward to 2013.
Val, it’s good to know I am not the only one feeling this way. I will always be a helpful person—it’s in my DNA. But I need to learn that because I am helpful, people can sometimes use me. I need to learn better to channel my help into people who are appreciative. Thanks for commenting!
Thank you for being you!! Don’t beat yourself up about this. It happens to all of us, it’s just a part of who we are. You want to see people prosper, so you help them out. Don’t worry all your hardwork has paid off. You are such an inspiration to many of us. If I hadn’t found your blog and read about you turning your blog into your business after you were laid off, I wouldn’t have known it was something I could do with my own blog. Continue to press forward, you blog posts always keep me motivated.
Kimberlee, aww, girl, you are going to make me cry again! lol. I tweeted the other day “You never know who you will inspire”, and I’ve learned that it’s true. Sometimes, I think I am doing all of this and no one is paying attention or looking. Then I get a confirmation that indeed, some people are taking note. Which is just one of the many reasons why I continue. Thank you for your kinds words and your support. I appreciate it more than you know.
First of all, you are victorious for even reflecting and admitting to every success you’ve had (failures are simply successes as they invite opportunities to do more/better!) and this IS an awesome testimony because you’re living your truth, honoring it, and showing integrity and I love it!
Hugs to ya boo!
I love “failures are simply successes as they invite opportunities to do more/better”. Thank you! I am about to type this out and tape this up in my home CUBE. *HUGS*
Thanks for sharing your mistakes and successes. I find that being a little too spontaneous makes me stumble from time to time, too. Ok, often. 🙂
I teared up a little bit reading this just now. I had no idea you had been going through this! 🙁 You are such a wonderful, loving and beautiful person, inside and out. I know it can be hard to give so much of yourself just to see so little in return – I’ve been there. There are so, so many things I wish I had done differently this year as well. All I can say though is that I’ve learned from my many mistakes and hope to move forward successfully in the future. Just like you tweeted me earlier this week – “shine bright like a diamond!” I hope to do so and I KNOW you will going forward! 🙂
xoxo, Stephanie 🙂
Yep. I’ve suspected it for a while, but now I’m sure…somehow we are sisters separated at birth. I promise you just write my life. Sigh… Someday…
One day at a time. At least you have SOME thing you can say you achieved. Some ppl are still muttering along stalled.
And when it comes to that giving then, yeah umm never expect anything in return. Just do it because that’s who you re.
Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed when you don’t receive anything 🙂